How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
