ya dads aren't the best wingmen
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
