the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
