She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
