I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
