glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
