I feel great
I just peed on a car
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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