Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
