i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
