Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
