sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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