yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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