I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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