I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
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