I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
