i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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