When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
