I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
