he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
