I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I can't put those talents on a resume
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
im on a boat
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