We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm bleeding and have questions
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
