I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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