I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
