K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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