So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
My Sexting was not on an AP level
My liver is preforming stress tests.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
