I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
