Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
