Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
