About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
