there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
