The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
