A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
