sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
