Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
