i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
