So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
