More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
