i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
