The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
