Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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