it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
