...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
