everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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