Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
