absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I got inside last night via doggy door
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
