White coat. Heels.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
