Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
