I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
