Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
