I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
