Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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