I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
